My Cry For Freedom
I’m tired. After a total of fifty-eight years behind bars, I’m still not willing to give up. After spending my entire juvenile and adult life in prison, I do, at times, feel worn out. I used to dream about getting out someday and being able to do the things that others do in society. We are all searching for a better way of life.
I still remember all that God has blessed me with, so I have to be content, no matter the circumstances. I know it’s God’s guidance and strength that are getting me through. In my book, Imprisoned As An Elder, I wrote a daily journal to God to get closer to Him and prayed He would help me understand myself better. I know God has a purpose in my life, as He does for everyone. I can thank Him over and over, but I have to live it whatever His purpose is.
I am tired of this incarceration, but I’ll never give up. I’ve come this far, but it’s still a struggle. The pain I’ve endured from decades behind bars will never go away, but I still have something to give, even if it’s just advice.
I will always have the scars of loneliness and isolation from being separated from society since the age of thirteen. I’ll never downplay the criminal aspects of the life I lived to get me into my situation. I will never forget the victims who were involved in the crime that happened in the prison. The crime that caused my incarceration in 1968 was vandalism. This led to me being placed in a juvenile prison, and from there I went to an adult prison at the age of fourteen. Eventually, from crimes I committed in prison, a series of assaults, I was sentenced to 222 years.
I haven’t been in any trouble in well over forty years, and have done some positive things in prison. I’ve received my GED, AA and Bachelor of Arts degrees, published two books, received numerous Bible study certificates, learned vocational trades, and gotten lots of counseling. I’ve done so many programs that I can’t think of any I haven’t done.
With my time structure, I’ll probably die in prison. I’m never eligible for parole unless the Nebraska Pardon Board gives me a time reduction. I have clemency papers in now, but I have no idea when, or if, they will hear my case. They’ve denied my two previous petitions. Someday I hope someone will give me a chance.
This was taken from my book, Imprisoned As An Elder and my first book, Imprisoned at 13. My goal for the books was to try and reach anyone who would read them and hope no one would make the poor choices I made. My other goal was to apologize to everyone I hurt, physically, mentally, or emotionally, and to ask God to please help them forgive me.
These books were written in times of many different moods: anger, sadness, loneliness, and during the COVID-19 crisis. Although I have been in prison for fifty-eight years as of this writing, I still want the Lord to teach me how to love and help me understand my journey in this life. I know in the eyes of the world I’m nobody, but in the eyes of God, we’re all somebody. My fate is in God’s hands.
Thank you Lord.